Proverbs-

As I endure a season of suffering, I am coming to terms of God's answer to my plight. It's not a soft and comforting answer but a humbling revelation of God's truth and the truth of the reality I'm living in now. After I read pastor James' entry about Job, I was reminded of how little comfort Job received from God when God first answered Job's cries. As a man of extraordinary faith, perhaps Job was comforted with God revealing and asserting His authority and His all-powerful reign over everything and every situation. As for me, I begin seeking comfort in the lines of sympathy and empathy-God acknowledging my pain and my right to be indignant. I would want God to let me know that He understands what I'm going through and that He will guide me through it. I think Job certainly was a man who deserved this kind of comfort especially in the light of how little he deserved his time of suffering. I was puzzled at how God did not approach Job with a soft hug but a powerful revelation of who He is.
I think a soft hug can do a lot of good at the right time and place but I realized that for me to seek a soft hug at this particular time of hardship is to seek what you can call cheap grace. It feels good while it lingers but it will fade sooner or later. I think the process of being humbled by God is what helped calm Job's inner turmoil and allowed him to fix his attention on what really matters. It is a process of turning from focusing on one self to focusing on God. I think this is the process of repentance. Incidentally, I think God is leading me to repent from being a sluggard.
As I was lamenting my job at my aunt's cleaners I came to reflect on how I got stuck in this awful situation. I came to realize that indeed, this must be God disciplining me for being a slacker. Ti's true, for when my uncle passed away this pass summer, I was the only slacker that was free to help my aunt. I was immediately obligated to help her out. At first i was very willing because I was very sympathetic. I even defended her request against disapprovals and warnings from my close friends and family. But now, I'm crying out to God to please deliver me! I truly am suffering; God please save me! I grow impatient and resolve to act on my own behalf. But then, I am lead to reflect on Christ's love. I then lament on how I really don't know enough about Christ's love. I "know" because I've learned and felt happy about it in church but I don't "know" how it can help me as I suffer through this particular situation! I cry and continue lamenting my lot of suffering. Then from one small thread of thought blooms a truth about how God loved us without expecting anything in return. I know this truth could not have come from my mind. I am fully convinced and testify that this was God's answer to my plight. It's not the answer that I was hoping for at the time but now, I can't imagine anything else better. Christ gave His life, His all. No one can match that price-ever. Yet He paid the price for my eternal salvation, eternal forgiveness. No one can return the favor and nor does He expects us to. He gave so freely and willingly so that we can freely recieve- only if we are willing. It humbled me and it stomped out my lamenting and made me focus on being more like Christ. To be honest, I never thought about Christ's love this way. Perhaps i should say, i never experienced the power of Christ's love this way. The doctrine of Christ's love is very deep and complex to me. I am often too lazy to even dip my toes in it. (I use to say I was too intimidated but I learned today that irrational intimidation and fear is like the sluggard that lamented about a lion outside his house.) And God, knowing my woeful state, rebuked my whiny heart by revealing Christ's love to me in a new way. It enabled me to do what I was unwilling or unable to do on my own.
But it's still so hard working there! This week was even harder to bear! Much like last week, the end of this work week was the most stressful but this week, I keep my ears open and wait on God to speak to me again. Before I reminded myself about today's blog, I was again lamenting what I was suffering through and I reflected on the slacker theory again and decided I was suffering God's poetic justice. Be caught being a slacker and get pulled into slaving your days away. Ha ha very funny God. I think the humor was suppose to help me deal with not having a clear message from God. But i think it was God preparing me for the poetry in Proverbs. The verses i read were not soft nor lovely-nor were they funny. Last week my will was rebuked and humbled but I was comforted because God spoke. After I read the blog on Job, I realized I was waiting more for the aspect of comfort than for the fact that God spoke. God spoke and He revealed His Glory. I realized it is in this revelation we can find comfort and joy for God does not speak to give out cheap grace. In light of this, I was able to hear God say in response to my lamenting this week, "this is what happens if you live in the ways of a sluggard." It's a hard blow to my pride. I'm still digesting it but i accept it as true.